Maybe my sentimental self is coming out after a glorious 24 hours of being 24 or maybe I'm having my own moment of clarity. Regardless, I'm learning to navigate parts of my soul yearning to be held. Nourishment.
Is it our age that makes it incapable for us to commit? Or is it the fear that people won't accept us at our weakest? To me it's both and both ideas are heavily tied to our expectations of what vulnerability should look like and how it should be navigated. First and foremost, I want everyone to drop the word "should" from our theories of life, inner peace, love, pursuit of happiness, sex, and food (like Hot Cheetos). Why? Because...*sighs annoyingly*
SHIT DOESN'T ALWAYS WORK OUT THE WAY WE WANT
To literally create a checklist and have someone fully accomplish all those things is not only unrealistic but painful. No one not even yourself will ever be able to check everything off. No matter how much you try, run, skip, whatever...you will fall and fail. And it's okay. It may not feel okay but you will be okay. Cause when you fall and look at your skinned knees, bloodied knuckles, and dirt covered nails, you will see the world more like a playground than a battlefield.
Vulnerability is not easy. It's not easy giving anyone that key to that dark space. But what do you expect to happen when you let someone walk in? That they are just going to glide in and magically know what the fuck to do? That they are going to Google maps their way around? Nah. Wrong.
Entering any sacred space is not an easy. Matter of fact, it's going to be quite painful in the beginning and will sting like hell. But let people wander anyways. Because the moment you pull them back or shut yourself down, you're only building more walls. And what's there to love about a wall? What's there to see beyond concrete? Nothing. It's just another large area of mass shielding our souls from nourishment.
So when people bump the walls, stub their toe, and curse out their frustrations in vain...forgive them. Forgive them and love them anyways for it. Because to let someone in on the journey, to open the door and have something really stir your soul, you have to let them create their path.